Last night I was laying in bed feeling so sad. It was after midnight and we hadn't heard from Matt yet. I was hurt. I love him so much, I have given so much. Sure, I understand that its not easy for him to call and talk with us, he loves us too and it requires emotion and heart. I laid there and started to pray, "Lord, it is so hard to love. I feel like I've given all my heart and I'm getting nothing back." Then, sweetly, the Lord answered me, in the way that He does., (paraphrase) "I know what you're feeling, I gave my life, I gave my own blood, all of my love and so many refuse to receive or return my love for them." Wow. Of course, He is able to understand and relate to my own heart. And even I have been guilty of forgetting to love my savior, of not having enough time for Him, of just pushing him aside because I know that His love for me is unwavering, much like we will always love Matt, regardless of returned love or not.
But again, I know that we are loved by Matt. He is busy. He is having a much harder time than we.
I am learning, again, that when I worship the King my afflictions are eclipsed by His glory. I am understanding that God keeps me in perfect peace when my mind stays on HIM. (Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee. - Isaiah 26:3) I am learning that I can worship Jesus and in my openness to God, I don't even need to utter my needs. "You are worthy God!! You are so worthy of my praise! Thank you for loving me!!" He hears that, He sees my heart, He knows my desires.
So then, I will continue in this stead and offer the only sacrifice that my God requires, one of praise. (By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to his name. - Hebrews 13:15) How wonderful. I'm going to continually fill up with the Spirit and give thanks to my God. He loves us so much and He will keep me in peace.